The IFs, Buts and the In - Betweens - Of 2025, Life, Loss of Friendships & More

This time I have a special feeling about 2025 - Like its a beginning of a new era - Like I have been unburdened of a certain baggage and a certain pain, Like monsoon rains that have washed away the remains of a harsh summer and it is spring time.

With great power comes great responsibility. I feel more aware of myself and my time.

As much as I want to ponder new beginnings and new life, I would like to put words to something that was hanging over my head for the large part of last year and something that time and thought have slowly chipped away at, making it less sore and more and more a thing of a distant past and to a distant self I only know of but not it.

Its about making a right choice but mostly about knowing what is right and if right choice is the correct way to go about. I have been very lucky to have great friendships and somewhere along the way, I have made up these friendships to mean more than they should have. And as someone who craves people, good relationships and meaningful friendships, this realization did not come in an easy way. When these curve balls come at you, at your lowest point and totally out of the blue, it takes time and enduring heart ache to heal. It does however change you and unfortunately kill small part of you. 

If you are someone who has mostly had loving and affectionate family/friends, it only gets harder to understand why some people can be anything different from your prior experiences and it of-course makes it more painful to accept until you can not but cut the injured limb off to save the rest of you. Its always a difficult choice between tendering to a dysfunctional limb vs. cutting the limb off to save what remains of. Its not just a question of pain vs. sanity, but a question of right, of wrong and of self soothing. And, like with most such things, there isn't one right answer but just what keeps us going. 

It does however make you realize and value the good relationships, the meaningful friendships and the good people that inspire you to be a better person!

Last couple of years have been very difficult for me for various reasons and I am happy I have come on the other side and I would not have without my Family - Parents/Gokul/Sisters and even Kids all of whom played a very special role in keeping my sanity and my head above water. I have some very special friendships without which my life would not be as beautiful or as special - Rishi, Geetu and others. And I was very fortunate to meet two other people that I would not have if not for some difficult scenarios and these both have been God Send to me and I can not thank them & God enough for having put these people in my life - Aparna & Rakesh. One has been a free therapist and a hand to hold by and Another is an amazing person who has done as much as a great sibiling would do but to a stranger!!! He has done so much for us and without us realizing or understanding or even thanking him much as we were busy riding the storm. He inspires me and all of my family to be a better person in our lives! (And till date it wells up my eyes when I remember all the help he has been and done!) 

The post has been a downer so far but I am very proud and happy that I can put it down without feeling weighed down by it and feel a sort of spring in my step as I move along!

This year I wish to write more, read more and be more aware of my day to day doings!

To a great year !!